A rediscovered love in life

I have rediscovered a love in my life – numbers. Many moons ago I loved math, and I’m now welcoming it back into my life again. Numbers. Equations. Calculations. The Universal Language of math has always fascinated me.

My life continues to change, and I continue to grow as a person. My likes and dislikes, passions and things I leave behind, they seem to be constantly changing…almost from day to day at times. As far as my interests, I can be a lot to keep up with. What is she into this time? How long will this hobby last? What happened to the other things she was interested in?? These are not only questions others have to ask me, but I also ask them of myself.

Life is going well for me for a few weeks now, and I realize that’s probably why I haven’t been writing much. I find that most of my best writing comes flowing from me when I’m not doing so well. I feel more creative in my pain, and tend to feel less inspired to write when life is pretty peachy. I suppose I could change that habit. I enjoy writing, so, I should do it.

When I say life is going well, I mean it’s going well. I have rediscovered the love of numbers in my life. I had a very random inspiration about a week or so ago that I wanted to look into bookkeeping as a possible job in the future (if I am ever able to work again, that is). I didn’t even really know exactly what a bookkeeper does, but as I researched into it I grew quite intrigued. Then I became yet more interested, and felt a spark in my spirit. I tried playing it cool…like, yeah, it’s just something I’m very casually looking into, NBD. Wellllllll it became a lot more than that. I learned that a bookkeeper records financial transactions; a bookkeeper works with numbers, equations, and they do calculations. It reminded me of my days in early elementary school when I couldn’t get enough of math. The more I read into what bookkeepers do in a day, the various capacities in which they work, I started thinking to myself…I could really do this.

There are a few ways to become a bookkeeper. You can get a degree in accounting, you can become certified as a Certified Public Bookkeeper, you can even open your own bookkeeping business with zero experience (this one I find odd and very risky…if you screw up someone’s business finances, prepare to be sued up the ass). Anyways. I looked into my options. Part of me had decided that if I can work again one day that this is what I really, really, want to do. Long story short, the best way (for me) to accomplish this goal – yes it is now a possible future goal – will be to get my Associate’s degree in accounting, as well as certified as a Certified Public Bookkeeper. Then I can look for a job with a company and hopefully be able to make around $20 per hour.

I have a few hurdles I need to jump over before truly getting going on my goal.

I am meeting my new psychiatrist next week on Tuesday morning. He may have some new ideas for my medications, which I am honestly very open to. I am willing to make adjustments to what I am currently on and I am even willing to add up to one or two more. My new psychiatrist will be the last puzzle piece to my care team…and I am really hoping this works out with him. I have a gut feeling that it will be a good thing in my life. It may mean medication changes and adjustments, and it may mean a period of changes in my health. I have hope that it will be alright. For once I feel optimistic about my first appointment with a new psychiatrist. I’ll take that as a good sign.

Another hurdle I’ll have to pass is my probation period for my student loans. They are in the process of being forgiven, and it will be another seven to eight months before my loans are completely forgiven. That’s not so much of a hurdle as it is a waiting period. It is a good thing that I have this period of time to wait, though, because I’ll have the chance to get stable with my psychiatrist, my medications, my life in general, and I’ll be able to solidify my goals in my mind. I will be able to continue to gather information and learn on my own for a while before I make any large decisions.

There’s a lot for me to think about. Lately, I haven’t been having the super nagging sensation of limited brain space like I’m used to. I’m not sure why. I know I love school, I’m pretty good at studying and all that stuff that goes along with college. I’m thrilled at the thought and desire of going back. It’s as if now that I’ve found what I really want to do with my life (career-wise) then brain space isn’t a huge problem.

So I feel good lately and I’m hoping this trend continues. Part of me is kind of always waiting for the other shoe to drop, when I have been feeling great. There is a ton of other things that I could write about all of this stuff, but for now I will try to keep it a little more brief so I don’t write an impossibly long post. Ha.

Hope you all are well,

Much love,


4 thoughts on “A rediscovered love in life

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