A good day and nagging worries

It is now the evening and I’m very tired. My heart is full and I feel a slight joy in my life. A few good things have happened today, I am happy to say, which have helped me smile.

The first thing, coffee, of course, and finally getting some time with my husband. He’s at work again today, but we’re both glad it’s only for eight hours and not fifteen (like yesterday). I got to spend a good amount of time with him since he didn’t have to leave until 1:00. He had some great ideas for the wire wrapping on my pendants for my Etsy shop. He came up with a quick and easy method that looks and functions much better. He was worried that I would feel like he was trying to “take over my art”, but I don’t feel that way at all. I value his insight and advice. Before I knew it, it was time for him to leave for work. A kiss and a long hug was warranted for sure. I can’t wait until his next day off.

The next thing was super awesome – I bought my new hoop! I found one by a different seller that I just could not pass up. Slightly more expensive, but a killer deal. It’s basically eight different sized hoops in one. So what that means is it comes apart in sections, and each section is a different length. You combine different length sections to get a different sized hoop. Incredible, right?? I got the add-on option for an extra section so I can make two 24″ hoops to use as doubles. Naturally I picked the black galaxy glitter hoop, which looks like a black hoop with rainbow glitter. Hell yes. I am so thrilled and I cannot wait to start stalking the every move of my shipment. I ended up getting the thinner tubing than what I’m used to. I’m technically more of an intermediate hooper…I should be able to handle it, right? So that was exciting, and I’m still very excited.

Another great thing is all of my plants are looking happy and healthy. Flowers are blooming, the marijuana veggies are growing so tall, and even our clones are looking very perky. My grow tent smells amazing from all the tiny white blooms in my wildflower planter. I smile every time I open the tent in the morning to water my babies.

The next good thing was getting to work on my resin crafts today. Since my husband came up with a much better wire wrapping solution, I decided to change what I had done to the necklaces I don’t have listed yet. I’ll be redoing the ones I do already have listed soon, and I’ll take more photos. That took a while, but was super worth it. I am much happier with the finished product now. Plus it’s a hell of a lot easier to do.

I then took a break and had some dinner with my in-laws. I came back downstairs and started a new resin pour. I made a new coaster set – marbled blue, black, and gold. It was a bit of an experiment to see how marbling like that would turn out. I’ll find out tomorrow when the resin is cured. I also played around with some glitter and made glitter pendants. I always have resin left over from making coasters, enough to fill up my pendant tray. I don’t want to waste any of it, so, hey, I always get more pendants.

Since the second day my shop was open I haven’t received any more orders. I’m not too discouraged. I’ll admit that I am a tiny bit, but I know I won’t make a sale every day or even very consistently. This is a fact, and I knew that when I opened my business. It might pick up again. I’m hopeful.

I do have some concerns about having a small business now, along with SSDI. Social Security might decide to take away my benefits because I do own my own business now. I’m the manager, owner, and runner of this show. I’m worried about this. Just because I can sit at my desk for a couple of hours per day and work on my art doesn’t mean I can go back to work. I still have a disability. They might see my very small business as proof that I can work again, and I’m scared about that. For one, I don’t make nearly enough money from my shop to cover our bills. My SSDI completely goes toward paying bills every month. I would be forced to go back to work so I can pay bills. Or my husband would be forced into trying to find a different job that pays more, and I don’t want to put him in that position.

I’ve gotten the “ticket to work” in the past from SSA, so I technically can work a regular job. The catch to that is it needs to be under a certain amount of hours and I can only make under a certain amount of money. So…I can work a regular job, something strenuous or fast paced even, but owning my own business where I work from home for a couple of hours a day (sitting down!) is crossing the line? Yeah, it doesn’t make sense to me either.

Another concerning thing about this is that my student loans are in the process of being forgiven. I have another nine months left on my probationary period before the loans are completely forgiven. I know I’ll never be able to go back to school, in any capacity. I can’t handle the stress, and we don’t have the funds. If I “can” work again, according to Social Security, then my debt will come back full force. We don’t have the money to pay that shit off either. We’ll probably both be dead before we can pay it off haha. That’s the reality of college in the US. I had to drop out of college due to my illness, but I did get into a decent amount of debt in the process. Yay me.

So while I’m very excited about my new adventures with my Etsy shop, I have those worries looming overhead as well. Just because I can do this stuff for a bit each day doesn’t mean I’m not disabled. My husband thinks I don’t need to worry about it too much right now, but y’all know me. I’m a worrier at heart.

Hope you all had a good day.

Stay insane, friends


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