So far, I have a break from depression. I have a strange energy in my mind, the madness of hypomania. I’m physically exhausted from all the work my husband and I did yesterday, but my thoughts are racing. I am typing along as fast as I can to try and keep up with my brain. There’s an excitement, a certain irritability, about me today. As usual, hypomania feels amazing. It’s a wonderful break from the depression, from the “meh” feeling I have gotten to know over the last couple of weeks. My thoughts feel as though they can’t be contained – practically bursting at the seams, attempting to explode out of my ears. I feel the rush of mental energy, coming over me like a flood. My leg is jittery and bouncing around, and a slight shakiness extends to my hands. I’ll need to keep an eye on this, but for now it feels great. I’m almost elated and on top of my world. Nothing can stop me!
Except, of course, when I inevitably crash in some shape or form. Depression will certainly return, but for now it feels like a distant memory that can hardly be accessed. Physically speaking, I want to sleep the day away. My mood is fighting against the drowsiness, and might potentially win. This is not necessarily a good thing…my logical brain reminds me. Oh, shut up, I say to my logical brain, I’m enjoying myself! Isn’t that a good thing?? When I crash, which I will, it will not be pretty. It will not be a graceful fall. For now, I hardly care. I have the motivation to clean all the things, and to get all the things done.
Since I didn’t get much accomplished around the house yesterday, due to our other activities, I have extra to do today. I feel like I can conquer these tasks. Who cares if my body feels rather incapable of accomplishing all that I set out to do today? I mean, I still get to sleep tonight, don’t I? I can rest when I’m ready.
The derealization is bad today, though, which doesn’t feel good. My body’s drowsiness definitely doesn’t help with the derealization situation. It is what it is, and honestly I don’t much care right now. There are so many ideas. So many things! Yet, I feel myself growing more sleepy as I sit here to write. Come on, body! I don’t have time for sleep! My body answers with a yawn.
We’ll see how the rest of today pans out. For now, I feel rather fantastic and I can do the things I want and need to do.
Stay insane, friends