I go by kiti (like kitty, only spelled differently). Welcome to my blog. This is my first ever blog post! This blog is basically going to be like a journal for me. I’ll write about my day, my life, my thoughts, emotions, and experiences.
Here’s the deal.
I have some sort of mental illness. I’ve had symptoms of mental illness for as long as I can remember, depression, extreme mood swings, psychotic symptoms like hearing voices and seeing things, and have been diagnosed with various things over the years. The things I’ve been diagnosed with range from various types of bipolar disorders and schizoaffective disorders. I’ve been hearing voices for the last 15-16 years, and have had what I like to call “background noise” in my head for as long as I can remember. I finally admitted, out loud, to a health care professional that I hear voices and experience other psychotic symptoms. It looks like there’s a more definite bipolar diagnosis on the horizon.
I used to be afraid, terrified even, of my brain and what it has been doing for so many years. I’m not afraid anymore. I’m not even all that worried. I know I’m under the care of amazing professionals. My therapist, we’ll call her “T”, and my awesome psychiatric care professional, we’ll call her “N”. N wondered why I haven’t told her these things in the last year that we’ve been seeing one another, and I told her that I just wasn’t ready. Good old trust issues, repressed memories, and acting like everything is “fine”… am I right? I’m not scared. I’m learning to embrace this part of who I am, and learning about mental illness in general. I’m also interested in learning about others’ experiences with this diagnosis.
That’s why I’m here. I am trying to sort of normalize (for myself) my symptoms and experiences through a blog. I have found that writing really helps me in many ways. I am able to get things (more or less) out of my head, organize my thoughts a little bit better, find out things that are bothering me, and understand what is important to talk to my care team about. I’m hoping to understand myself better by blogging my experiences.
A little more about me:
I love gardening, and I have an indoor garden with a few herbs and flowers. I’m quite proud of the fact that I am able to grow anything at all, because I’ve always had a black thumb. I’m shocked my plants are doing so well. I am getting into resin casting, and am finding it to be very therapeutic. There are a lot of other hobbies and things I have picked up over the years, and my interests seem to be ever-changing. For now, it’s epoxy resin, gardening, and now blogging. I have two fur children with D. I have been happily married to D for almost 7 years. He is the light of my life, my soulmate! I live in a beautiful state, in the U.S., in a small town that I love. I am on disability for mental illness, and I mostly stay at home and work on projects and things around our house.
That’s about it for now!